RIP NaPoWriMo

You would have loved the poems I am keeping to myself for now

My last post was about NaPoWriMo¹ (National poetry writing month) and so is this.

But this is the one where I break down (pun intended) why I stopped on day 15. Or, to be more accurate, stopping putting pressure on myself to ‘finish’ and share them on Instagram.

There is no better motto than the gambling phrase ‘When the fun stops, stop’ to describe the ‘why’. It is a lesson I run into again and again when I share my poetry. On this occasion, I found myself sharing some work that wasn’t ready to be shared but did it anyway. Done is better than perfect is another good motto. It stops overthinking and procrastination. But I felt that there were things in some of the poems I shared that would have benefited from a touch more care before I shared them. And the only reason I was rushing was the self imposed pressure to put something ‘on the grid’ each day.

I also read two articles on here about sharing poetry on Instagram by

Matt Abbott

²and

Nelly Bryce

³and realised something I already knew. Like them, I had spent a lot of time archiving my online poetry so why was I now posting daily?

The good part

One reason was that I was hoping to feel a sense of community from other poets taking part. And that did happen, particularly when I worked with prompts that other people were using on the same day.

I was hoping that actively seeking out prompts would help me find new ideas to write about that I may not otherwise explore. I often write from instinct, of ideas on my mind, but using prompts can open up new possibilities. Some days I did not find a prompt that sparked anything in me, but some days I did and they helped create new ideas just as I had hoped. I don’t regret the trying to write about new ideas.

So what WAS the problem?

I didn’t enjoy the pressure to finish something on certain days life was very busy. Sometimes it felt like a good distraction, a bit of lighthearted fun. Some days I felt, why don’t I just chill out in the limited spare time that I have after a day at work.

The self imposed choice of publicly sharing the poem on the day it was written wasn’t always fun either. I didn’t enjoy my own lack of satisfaction with some of them, or at least parts of them. I liked parts of all the poems I shared, but some time and space to properly explore the lines I enjoyed writing would have been better.

On top of all of this I really did get a bad case of watching the likes. The dreaded algorithm does create a narrative of ‘no one likes this’, ‘are people seeing this?, ‘why did people like this one but not that one.’ And none of these thoughts get you anywhere at all.

Day 16

On the 16th day I wrote but I did not share. I joined an online workshop with

Kate Ireland

and came away from that session with lots of glimmers of ideas and lines I can and will return to. And I felt no pressure to share or complete work instantly which, together with the wise words of Matt and Nelly about sharing online made me remember that for me, writing has always been primarily for myself and connecting with my inner world and the world around me. Hearing other people share snippets of their writing inspired me again. Hearing words that have just been created in so many different styles and with so many stories switched a lovely warm light on. I only share once I feel connected with it. How can I expect anyone to connect unless I am first. Sharing is innately a brave and rewarding thing to do. The words of others are endlessly inspiring (spoken, books, theatre, great TV) and there is something wonderful about not only seeing yourself in words of others, but people seeing parts of themselves in your words.

On sharing

Sharing is important. I realised that I was partly sharing online to fill a bit of the gap I feel from not performing so much at the moment. I also don’t have time to make videos these days. And if I am being utterly honest, which it looks like I am, there is an additional self consciousness that has developed since hitting my later 40s that means I find filming and sharing my face work. I feel I have to groom and light myself and find a good angle and to spend anything more than 15 minutes filming a poem that is 2 minutes long max feels like a chore. I used to find it fun. I don’t right now. I might another time in the future.

There is literally never any pressure to share anything online. So I don’t have to if I don’t have the time, or don’t feel the work is ready yet. Together with my gut instinct and reading the articles by Matt and Nelly I decided to reframe how I want to engage with NaPoWriMo.

I went and archived nearly all of them on instagram, but I am sharing again here with some comments with the benefit of a very small bit of hindsight.

The Poems

I kept a topical one up. It has no other home, it is about online culture and that is where it belongs. It will be out of date by next week, which makes the subject all the more annoying, how AI is used as nothing more than digital chip wrapper at such a cost.

However, I took this other topical one down. It belongs nowhere else either, but guess what? The algorithm hated it, and I can see flaws how this hangs together as a piece so I have archived it:

The next poem I archived is one inspired by me pushing myself to keep up with the challenge and led me on a slightly negative tone. The ending felt forced at the time I put it up online. But I like the striker and defence analogy.

This one was created in response to a prompt ‘mistakes’. I can write better and more honestly that this. I have a vast amount of source material too. But I do like the idea of self doubt as a bad memory muscle.

This next one I really like actually, and it was prompted by seeing a Facebook memory of a time when I was part of a show choir and we got the opportunity to be part of the backing choir of Susan Boyle. I realised that I am now around the age she was when she did her first audition on Britain’s Got Talent and how impressive it was she took such an audacious chance on herself. She is also an incredible reminder that you never know what stories or talents people hold within them. That person in front of you in the queue could have an incredible talent or story. This one stays on the grid.

This is another one I enjoyed writing. Inspired by a prompt on instagram, to find a quote on a page dedicated to quotes from literature and create a poem spring-boarding from that. The algorithm got in my head over this one. There’s also vulnerability in there. What if my colleagues find my instagram page and read too far in to it. Surely we are vulnerable in these ways deep down? I have archived it anyway and Substack is a more substantial investment of time to read this far (thanks if you are by the way!) so feels safe enough to keep a digital print of.

This one was inspired by a seagull in the town centre near me, which is nowhere near the sea. It was not lost, they live here now. I left the conclusion open for suggestions and got ‘landfill gulls’ and ‘city gulls’ when I shared on line… I am still open for suggestions and am ruminating on my own conclusion.

This final one is from a prompt by Amy Kay, using the popular meme format ‘RIP x , you would have loved xyz’. And this is a eulogy to the poems we never finish.

This feels like a good poem to end on.

I am still writing but back at my own pace. I am writing more to submit. Not many breakthroughs so far but a few lovely words of encouragement along the way means I will keep polishing them and submitting them.

The best part about NaPoWriMo is that it reignited a habit and reminded me of what I enjoy and taught me how to keep connected and adapt without the focus of performance that I have had over the last few years.

Thank you for reading , my 2024 self published collection ‘Proving I Exist’ is available here : https://books.by/lisa-ohare and all profits go to Choose Love & Refuge.

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2. Why I'm deleting a lot of poetry from my Instagram feed

3. Poetry using video