I started 2024 thinking this would be the year I would use substack more. I am a writer. I love to write. Writing has led me to some brilliant connections, whether in real life, online or in my own mind. I have ‘stacked’ a few times over the last few years but, so far, have not found a buzz of connection from my own writing and sometimes feel I am writing into a void.
I have found connection on here through joining other communities1 so I know it is possible, but I do wonder am I doing this whole thing wrong?
In a Carrie Bradshaw inner voice I ask myself ‘Am I really writing if no one is reading?’
I have endless notepads and notes app notes. I sometimes think writing makes me think too much. I wonder if I always thought this much, and that I just never used to write any of it down. Should I keep writing it down? What if people read my half baked notes and think they are stupid. A lot of the notes are. I have to write bad stuff to find the glimmer of the words I want to keep writing. I have to write bad stuff to myself before I find words I am prepared to share in some way.
Sometimes I share my writing on my social media accounts. Sometimes I quickly archive them when the alogorithm tells me no one wants to read these ones. I remind myself I shouldn’t believe algorithms and sometimes reshare them but then the algorithm really hates that and I wish I had more faith my convictions. The algorithm sends meposts that tell me ‘HEY CREATIVE, SHARE YOUR WORK/ THE WORLD NEEDS MORE ART / STOP LISTENING TO YOUR INNER CRITIC’. These posts make me want to be braver. Then I see hand written notes going viral that say inane like ‘be your own cheerleader’ and I curse the algorithm again.
I get worried that each time I write on here I am losing more time I could spend writing something else more significant? Sometimes I wonder if by sharing at all I have shared too much. Even if no one reads it.
I know comparison is the thief of joy but I do wonder how people make things I can’t make work, work.
I never know if I am writing enough on here. Or too much.
But today, I think it isn’t enough, but it is all I have.
So I will share, in the hope it connects with other people who may not have worked this whole thing out and maybe we can help each other work it out ?
A poem I wrote waiting for my car in the garage yesterday that the algorithm has already told me no one likes
In recent years I had stopped having any interest in sharing my writing, especially with the algorithm to please but that also meant losing my interest in actually doing any writing (admittedly life stuff and illness also played a part in that) I remember when I was a teenager and I carried a notebook & pen around with me wherever I went, writing anything and everything down! Which meant, at least, I was incredibly connected with myself. Not sure where I'm going with this ramble but yes, I do understand what you are saying.
I just wrote about this topic. I shared a quote I saw on someone’s sweater: “Your fear of looking stupid is holding you back.”
Please continue to write and share, there is always a reader in need.