Memory
Please don't fail me now
Last Saturday performed a poem I hadn’t performed from memory since April 2024, from memory. It’s a muscle I stopped training as I wasn’t performing as much during a time where life took priority over sharing words. I have performed since April 2024. From memory if it was a big occasion. But also from my book to try and sell it, and from phones/notepads when the work was still new and it was just an open mic where new work can be tried out. But this specific poem. I think I have performed twice since April 2024, both with the book I published it in, in hand.1
I wrote about my performance of this specific poem here:
This was about 6 weeks before my life changed significantly. A family member became ill and I cared for them until they passed away late last year.2 I am slowly easing myself back into performing, but differently than before3, because I am different. The world is different. And isn’t that just the whole point of the cards life deals you.
This specific poem is my love letter to grass roots artists and venues and the importance of collaboration between them. I am starting to find my way back into those spaces and it has reignited a little part of my heart. A part of my identity that has been taking a back seat out of necessity. I cherish them all the more now. The whole dynamic is a delicate thing. People putting heart and time into making events happen, just because they want these experiences to exist for themselves and others. Little slices of magic.
As I was performing at a collaborative event between a Poet and an Artist, this felt like the ideal poem to perform, and the perfect moment for me to test my muscle memory. I tested the memory over and over in my spare room like a slightly crazy lady, which is a secret that I presume all performance poets do. Once I have solidified it a bit I will practice when I am doing other activities, like putting away laundry, changing bedclothes etc. Utterly normal behaviour. Until 2021 I told myself I couldn’t learn poems, what with being a woman over 40 and the brain fog that came with it. Then I was put on an all male line up and thought ‘no way am I being the only poet without the poems off book’. And I did it and learned that I could if I tried.
Back to the event. It was called ‘Come Rhyme with Me’ and in an act of complete commitment to the vision of the pun, food was also part of the experience.
I also brought my own videographer. Who happened to be my mum, have a look below.
I did still hold the book in one hand, more to promote the book than to read from it, but it was nice to know if my memory let me down I would have back up. It isn’t the slickest video but after the 2 years I have had, that is the least of my worries. I am increasingly baffled at how much time people put into online sheen when life is so fleeting. This is the video I have and I feel lucky to have it. It is a gift to have evidence of you living as you are, not as the algorithms would tell you to.
In another few weeks I will be performing at Focus Wales and I will be performing my whole set from memory. So during April, I will be going to a few more open mics to cement those words into my core memory. I may even venture further afield as the year goes on. The horizon can always move.
Go get yours here! https://amzn.eu/d/0914JQzL
I don’t feel like I want to share any more than that with the world but I share to give context for the step away.