Lost my (artists) way
How I did the artists way for the first few days of the new year but then went back to work
I started writing and performing in 2019 in a fairly unique way. I jumped in both feet by signing myself up to perform a show (I had not yet written) at the Greater Manchester Fringe Festival. My last ‘turn’ on a stage ‘acting’ was at university, around 25 years earlier. I think the last time I performed any of my own writing was around aged 13, with a sketch I wrote for a comic relief show at school.
I was abundant in naivety and lack of awareness of how you ‘should’ do things, but blessed with an inner excitement of just really really wanting to try. I had no community, no comparison points, and crucially I hadn’t learned anything about the competitive streak that exists in creative spaces. I was there to have fun with the entire process. I didn’t know anything about, venues, tech, social media, PR, marketing, and…. oh, yeah…. WRITING, EDITING, REHEARSING, PERFORMING.
During the process I learned a lot about all of the above and so much more. I met people who inspired me and made recommendations to explore spoken word and scratch nights, which were the connections I needed and later nurtured to keep the creative spark I had ignited going past that one off show in the summer of 2019.
Since then I have been to talks, workshops and read books and online articles/posts about the process of writing, poetry, art and creating. Some I have learned through osmosis of being around other creative people and listening/reading about what inspires them. One practice came up over and over again.
Morning pages.
Morning pages is a practice inspired by Julia Cameron and her book The Artists Way.I have picked up the book a few times over the last 2 to 3 years but only went ahead and bought it at the start of this year. I didn’t write any big list of resolutions but it was definitely bought in the hope of a new year, new ideas, new avenues kind of mentality. With my self-publishing project completed in 2024 and having ticked the huge personal bucket list moment of performing at the Edinburgh Fringe in 2023 I am ready to work out what my next creative project might be.
So with many recommendations and years of thinking about buying the artists way, I did it. It has a page where you write a contract to yourself to follow the programme. I signed my page on 1/1/25 and set about writing my morning pages. It is a practice where you just put pen to page for 3 sides of A4, first thing, before doing much else (I get the impression you are meant to do over an artists desk looking over an inspiring view) and just empty your head of anything in there. It’s part journal, part diary, part brain dump and part endurance test (3 pages is a lot… the idea being page 3 is when the writing becomes more intentional and focussed just through that endurance). I am happy enough to put faith in the practice but I have wondered if that time ‘should’ be time I am writing something intentional, like a poem for a submission opportunity. Finding the submission opportunities. I don’t have the luxury of artistic solitude so writing first thing isn’t really conducive to helping people around me, so I have done them after 11am on a few days. But then I wonder am I breaking the rules?
Then, I catch myself on and remember how I started my creative adventures. BLISSFUL UNAWARENESS of rules. That is not to say I don’t want to learn at all but it is worth the self reminder that tying myself up in the knots as I learn isn’t really the idea of any artists way. The book itself talks of play. Of getting out of your own way. But it is also encouraging the reader to be serious about wanting to create art (of any kind). I was nodding and circling sections of the book with glee.
Until… it was time to go back to work. This ‘artist’ has an office job. A really busy responsible one. And, until yesterday, it was one that involved a fairly chunky commute 2 to 3 times a week. And my final commute was accompanied with some of the most atrocious weather conditions I have ever had to drive in. The morning pages was absolutely not getting a look in as soon as I caught up with reality.
So, for now, I have lost my artists way. No big creative breakthroughs. No visions. But neither have I given up. Just a good reminder to keep the play and don’t treat being creative like a project to complete or something to constantly be working on, or worse competing over. ‘The Artists' Meandering’ may not be as catchy, or as successful as Julia’s tour de force, but I am not trying to be.
Thanks for reading Poems & That. I have paused paid subscriptions until the end of February when I will work out what value I can offer paid subscribers. If you wish to support my writing in another way you can buy my book Proving I Exist, on amazon. All royalties will be donated to Choose Love and Refuge.