February Feelings

This February is a big one. I turn 5 0. Huge if true.

It is true. That would be a fairly weird thing to lie about.

It is a huge milestone to contemplate. Being a poet is 75% contemplation so I am having an absolute field day right now.

One moment I am grateful, amazed I have got this far. The next, horrified at the concept of aging as has been so well instilled in modern culture. Then there is a bit of weird grief for all that has gone and can’t be changed. I then fight that with an over-zelaousness to plan for MORE FUN. I must squeeze it all in. Before it is too late!

I’ll write lists of all the things I still want to do. But when? Holidays from the day job seem so short when you want to write books, travel, see some incredible theatre, music, comedy, join community groups, support charities, become an aging popstar with no previous musical experience because why not make a list of dreams.

No sooner have I expanded my horizons on paper, I want to hibernate. I’m getting older. I’m tired I tell myself. Lay low. We can’t all be those wise 50-fluencers. Dopamine dressing, wild swimming, dream chasing and handing out unrequested advice to everyone on the internet. God, there is enough advice on the internet already.

The algorithm loves to profile me. Sends me ads for

• health gummies

• powders to put into drinks that will make wrinkles disappear, stomachs flat, brains sharp

• make up that doesn’t settle in creases

• AI ad’s for AI lessons. but the spelling in the ad’s are wrong so instil no confidence in the training. Also they all seem to say things like ‘my boss thinks I am coming for their job because I am a machine’ or ‘in one week I gained skills, in two weeks I was invincible, in a month I had a whole new life’ or the worst one I have heard is ‘this is how to become the most invincible person in the room.’

• AI ad’s for some really weird exercise classes telling you to disappear for a month whilst whispering in a threatening way.

• And the worst are the AI ad’s that sing and tell you to get therapy. Harrowing.

AI is making an odd place absolutely mindless.

As such, I have put a block on my social media. Instead I have been reading.

As well as the above (chosen for illustrative purposes as the most recently photographed book) I have read:

• The School of Life - An emotional Education

  The book mainly had me disagreeing with some points that are so expansive in the human experience I thought they generalised them too far.

• Leonard and Hungry Paul

  I ADORED this book. Having watch the show on BBC iplayer I had to read it. It was just the most delicately kind and soft book. Perfect for January in 2026.

• James by Percival Everett

  I read this over the course of a few months. It was very inventive and written so richly it felt like watching a vivid documentary of a work of fiction.

• Bliss to be Alive by Gavin Hills

  I got this for Christmas off the back of a podcast recommendation by Elis James. It was packed with social history from the late 90s to early 2000’s by a well loved journalist who didn’t get to live as long as I already have.

• Muckle Flugga by Michael Pedersen

  Another book I took my time to read. Another very vivd book. Poetic and beautiful. Full of love and pain, and landscapes and heart soaring and heart ache.

Reading more makes me want to write more.

Writing makes me want to experience more real life. As that is where the good inspiration for me comes from.

I will leave you with a photo of a poem inspired by a recent interaction with a post office worker.

Until next time - thanks for reading.